Four Millimeters
by JadeEye
Summary: It’s how close she was to kissing him. It’s how close he was to getting the best Christmas present ever. And it’s how close he is to going crazy. A Christmas oneshot.


Summary: It's how close she was to kissing him. It's how close he was to getting the best Christmas present ever. And it's how close he is to going crazy. A Christmas oneshot.

A/N: This story was started two years ago but ended up turning into _A Christmas Carol_. Now, after two years of procrastinating at exam time to work on it, it's done. Please accept my apologies for this story's similarities to _Carol_ and to STC – which you might want to have read in order to understand this story, although it's not based on those events in any way. Rather, it is AU and Senshi-free. It's also hurried (yes, despite two years of working on it), so please forgive a little sloppiness in style and characterization. Happy holidays to everyone, and please look forward to STC in January!

And last but not least, many merry thanks to Jade-Eye, for whom this story was written and who is my own personal year-round Santa. Life wouldn't be the same without you!

Disclaimer: Sailor Santa, please use your powers to give me Sailor Moon! Because right now I don't own her. (Nor do I own _Cardcaptor Sakura_, Legolas, _Dragonball Z_, _Care Bears_, or any other proper nouns within this story.)

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Four Millimeters

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"No, I know…" Darien watched his best friend duck her head and scuff her foot against the pavement as they walked. "Gift cards feel really impersonal, you shouldn't get him one – "

A pause.

"You already know what _I _think. You should MAKE something!"

Even from a foot away where he walked beside Serena, Darien could hear Rei's vociferous protest shrill out of the cell phone speaker.

Serena didn't even wince, though she did throw him a grin. "Careful, Rei, Darien heard you."

There was a pause, and then Darien heard more shrilling.

"I'll, uh, just go in here," he told Serena, jerking his head at the cookie shop and breaking away from her.

She nodded at him and plopped down on the bench on the sidewalk, continuing to talk to Rei. "No, I mean like a teddy bear at one of those places…"

The warmth-fogged glass door shut behind Darien and cut off the rest of Serena's conversation, replacing it with Christmas carols. He stuck his hand in his pockets to keep from digging them into his hair. He couldn't give her gift cards _either_?

When his frustration had died down, he glanced out the window over his shoulder. Her phone was still tucked between her shoulder and ear, but she was turned around, staring at something. He followed the direction of her gaze and his eyes landed on a men's wear shop, plastered with posters of the same model in different tuxedoes. He rolled his eyes and turned back around, switching his gaze to the cookies in the display. As he joined the line at the counter, he pulled a slip of paper and pen out of the interior pocket of his jacket. Well, it wasn't so much a slip of paper as three pages of notebook paper folded up into as small a square as he and his two friends, Motoki and Asanuma, had been able to make it.

_Gift cards_ sat at the very top of the list in his neat cramped handwriting. Motoki had immediately shot it down as far too impersonal, but, as Darien and Asanuma had grumpily pointed out, not everyone could be as suspiciously in tune with girls' feelings as Motoki. Not even Darien, who had been friends with Serena since he was six, twelve years ago.

Right now, it looked like Darien was going to have to skulk back to Motoki with his tail between his legs for more ideas of what to get Serena for Christmas. He flipped through the pages of the list. So far he'd crossed off almost every item on the list as being "too impersonal," "too cheesy," "too nerdy," "too lame," "too cheap" – the list of why the gifts wouldn't cut it was longer than the gift list itself.

He sighed and refolded the list, stuffing it back in his pocket as he purchased a warm bag of freshly baked cookies.

Serena snapped the cell phone shut in her mittened hand as Darien pushed open the bakery door. Her eyes flicked from the bag to him, eyes wide and innocent.

"Are those for me?"

He returned her innocent expression with a lifted brow. "Only if you like oatmeal raisin."

"Even _you_ don't like oatmeal raisin," she retorted, already darting around him to grab the bag.

He held it up above his head, grinning. "Jump."

She stepped back and crossed her arms. "No way!"

"Hmm, I guess you'll just have to let them get cold, then."

Serena gasped. Darien recognized a familiar spark in her eyes that marked the end of sensibility and a primordial sense of _save the food!_ kicking in. "You wouldn't!"

"I wouldn't?" he repeated.

"You COULDN'T!" Serena challenged, planting her hands on her hips and leaning forward threateningly. "Your geek-boy arms won't be able to hold it up for any longer than TWO minutes!" She thrust out a hand with two fingers up, in his face.

He snapped at them, which made her squeal and yank them back.

Then, the next thing he knew, there was a weight hanging from his neck.

"O – dan – go," he gasped.

"COOKIES!" she said triumphantly, snatching them from his now totally slack hand and hopping back down to the sidewalk again. But ice had slickened it, and she was wearing a brand-new, tractionless pair of boots, so she crashed backward against his knees.

"Odango…" Trying to ignore both the sudden coldness on his back from the absence of her warm body and the stares of the people he felt around them, he bent over her.

She tilted her head back to look up at him. A double chocolate-chunk cookie was in her mouth.

"el' m'uh?" she asked around the mouthful, blinking innocently.

He got a hold of her under her arms and hefted her up off the ground. Then he let go, and they kept walking, as if nothing had happened, because, Darien thought to himself, they were Serena and Darien, best friends for ten years, and moments like that really didn't mean anything important.

"So what did Rei want?" he asked as she reached into the bag for two more cookies and handed him one.

She swallowed her current mouthful, which was really superfluous since he was quite fluent in Serenawithhermouthfullese. "You know. She's still stressing over a present for Asanuma. She's trying to find something that will tell him that she likes him without _telling _him that she likes him, you know?"

Usually, when Serena spoke in girl-talk like this and added a "you know," he _didn't_ know. But on this occasion, sadly, he knew exactly what she was talking about.

"And…" he said, being careful to look interested in a shirt in a nearby shop window as he asked. "What did you tell her?"

"Well, I've BEEN telling her she needs to make him one of those teddy bears! You know, the really cute cuddly ones that you make yourself and name and put whatever you want on them? She could make one in a miko outfit and give it a pretty bow and name it Rei and give it to him, and then he would hand her his present for her, and it would be teddy bear, too, except for its name would be Asanuma and it would be wearing a tie-dyed tux, and – " She finally paused to take a breath, and finished happily, " – it could be just like Syaoran and Sakura in _Cardcaptor Sakura_!"

"Yes, because anime shows are entirely realistic."

"Exactly!" Serena agreed happily. Then she paused. The cookie lowered slowly from her mouth as she turned her head to look at him.

Darien gave her a grin.

She gave him a punch. "You're such a jerk!"

He rubbed his chest. "You better hope Santa's elves aren't watching, or you'll get coal in your stocking for being such a violent little girl."

"Hmph." She stuck her nose in the air. "I bet Santa would give me EXTRA presents for beating up an evil JERK like you!"

Darien saw an opening, and he took it. "What'd you ask Santa for this year?"

Serena paused, cookie returning to her mouth. Her eyes went slightly glassy, and he had to reach to her other shoulder to tug her away from walking into a streetlight. For a brief stab of a second, his arm was around her shoulders, and his stomach flipped like a pancake.

Her eyes flicked up to him.

He removed his arm, stuffing his hand in the pocket of his jacket.

"So?" he prompted, mostly to break the awkwardness that he felt freezing over the silence like ice over a pond.

Serena's jaw returned to munching. "Can't tell you," she said, with chipmunk cheeks.

Couldn't _tell_? Darien's eyes narrowed. There had to be _some_ way to find out what Serena would like for Christmas!

"Why not?"

"Cause then it won't come TRUE!"

He snorted. "It's not a blow out the candles birthday wish, Odango."

"It's the same principal," she said.

"Principle," he said.

"That's what I said!"

"Whatever." He sighed, blowing hair out of his eyes, and then pulled to a stop as they arrived at the last crosswalk. "Now, you know Motoki's got mistletoe up all over in there."

"I know." Her voice was dreamy. "To catch Lita, isn't it sweet?"

"That's not the point." He tugged on one of her ponytails, earning him a kick in the shin. "What do you do when you cross the street?"

"Look both ways." Her voice was petulant.

"And what are you going to do when you enter the arcade?"

She glared at him. "Look both ways." She looked away, lip jutting out. "I don't see why, there's no one who would want to kiss me, anyways – "

"Yeah, only because they know your dad would shoot their insides full of lead," muttered Darien. The Odango was way too modest and naïve for her own good. Either that, or she had gotten selective amnesia about all the guys who had asked her out since she entered high school two years ago.

The crosswalk sign turned to green and he released her ponytail to grab hold of her arm. "Okay, c'mon…"

Motoki wasn't obvious enough to have placed mistletoe above the entrance doors – or, more likely, his parents hadn't let him – but Darien kept carefully two feet away from Serena anyway. He pushed her gently behind him as he approached the electric doors and they slid open in front of him.

"Hey!" she protested behind him. "I thought I had point!"

"This isn't a war game, Odango," he said. "And no, I'm going first."

"But _I _should be the bait!" Her cheeks were flushing a little red above her scarf.

He lifted an eyebrow at her, aware that the doors were still hanging open like a dislocated jaw. "Why?"

"Because – because – because there's a bunch of girls who'll want to kiss you!" she sputtered. "And no one wants to kiss ME! I should go first!"

Darien saw not one milligram of logic in her reasoning, but he had learned over the years that that was the Odango for you. She was the sort of person who followed a strange boy onto a bus full of strange children instead of going to look for her mom.

"Nope," he said, and marched inside.

The change in noise was deafening. Outside had been loud, what with the rushing shoppers and shoes clicking the icy sidewalk and honking horns and zooming cars and bells. But inside the arcade, there was all that noise plus Christmas carols plus the beeping of video games plus the laughter and chatter of dozens of adolescents and pre-teens. Soon, the sound of the Odango slurping hot chocolate would join that cacophony. Darien sighed and rubbed his ears.

"Don't be such a Scrooge," said a voice beside his ear.

He nearly jumped. "Serena! You're supposed to be BACK THERE!"

"No way!" She had a grip on his jacket pocket, her fingers curled inside it. Somehow, she'd never lost that habit of hanging onto his jacket. "I'd get smushed! You're the one who said I'm as short as one of Santa's elves."

"That was Asanuma."

"Asanuma wouldn't say something mean like that!" Serena stuck out her tongue at him. "He likes me, unlike YOU."

"Hey, who bought you cookies?" retorted Darien, a little petulant.

But Serena wasn't listening to him anymore. She was hauling him forward through the morass of middle-schoolers by his jacket pocket. He stumbled after her, trying to divide his attention between not stepping on a midget and keeping an eye on the ceiling for mistletoe. He'd spotted three sprigs when Serena pushed him down into a booth.

"FINALLY!" crowed a voice. "Where were you guys, Victoria's Secret?"

Heat flared from Darien's neck to his hairline. "Asanuma, I'm going to kill you," he muttered to his friend through gritted teeth.

"Forget him, _I_'ll kill you." Lita, Serena's friend and their friend Motoki's girlfriend, bore down on them. Darien watched with a smirk as the super-tall brunette landed a kick on Asanuma. "There are kids in here! Don't talk about that kind of stuff! And YOU!"

She turned, not so much plopping as slamming a tray down on the table, centimeters from Darien's fingers. Her eyes crackled. "Were you in _that place_ with Serena?"

"No," ground out Darien, flushing even harder now despite himself.

"You better not have been." Pinning him with one last glare, Lita slid into the huge booth beside Serena. "Hey, girl! Didja see last night's _Host Club_ episode?"

"Yeeeeees!"

Almost immediately, the two girls were squealing away. Darien sighed, propping his cheek on his hand. Sometimes he wondered if the only reason Serena was friends with him was because he was like a male version of Lita. But then he reasoned that they had become friends long before Serena met Lita, and he felt comforted.

"Penny for your thoughts, Darien?" Asanuma's blonde head inserted itself under his nose.

"I'm thinking about how annoying you are. Go away."

"Ooh, someone's sour." Asanuma flicked a glance past Darien at Serena. "Could it be that someone's mission isn't panning out?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Darien, looking away. Asanuma and Motoki had both been dropping pointed hints that they'd realized he had more than platonic feelings for Serena, and for the past month, he'd been dodging attempts by Asanuma to make him admit it and Motoki's attempts to convince him he should confess to Serena. It was enough to make him wonder how he'd become friends with either of them.

"Unlike some people, _I'_ve found the perfect present for Rei," said Asanuma, smirking smugly.

Darien felt like throttling him. "I hate you," he muttered.

"You know, Dare, maybe if you channeled all that negative emotion into some creative outlets you'd be able to figure out a present for Ser – "

"Rei! Over here!"

Asanuma cut off as Serena's exclamation split the air. Darien felt a little vindicated as he watched his friend jerk upright, scoot further into the booth and smooth down his hair. How fun it would be to tell Rei that Asanuma liked her and watch the squirming that went on then –

"Ow!" He rubbed the spot on his chest where a little elbow had just gouged him between the ribs.

"I saw that look in your eyes," Serena muttered at him, grabbing him the jacket collar to drag his ear down to her mouth. "Don't even think about it."

Darien shuddered. She let go with a smirk, apparently thinking it was because of fear. Darien was thankful for her naiveté. Then he looked up and saw Asanuma grinning at him.

Darien opened his mouth –

The blond held up his hands. "I know, I know. You hate me."

"And don't you forget it," said Darien sourly. He resisted the urge to rub his ear where Serena's warm breath had stirred his hair. It burned like a brand.

"Sheesh!" Rei finally arrived and slid into the booth next to Asanuma without giving the blond a single glance. "Lita, tell your boyfriend that all these kids in here are a fire hazard!"

Darien agreed with her. But they weren't exactly the ones to be talking, all crammed into one booth like they were. Of course, he wasn't complaining that Serena was squished against him… on the other hand, being squished against Asanuma on his other side wasn't so appealing.

"Rei, where's Ami?" he asked to distract himself from this predicament.

He felt Serena straighten beside him, looking around as though Ami might pop out of one of the booths. The blue-haired girl had transferred into Serena's eleventh grade class only a few weeks ago. She was very shy, and as soon as Serena had seen the Sailor V pin on the girl's schoolbag, she'd made fast friends with her, dragging her to the arcade with them after school most days and inviting her to the Christmas party that Serena and Motoki were organizing.

Rei pulled out her cell phone, pulling it away as Asanuma leaned to see it. "She left me a message. I guess one of her teacher's computers got a virus, and he needed help recovering the files on it before grades have to go in for the end of semester. So she can't come today."

"But she's still on for the party, right?" Serena said anxiously, checking her own phone. "Oh, she called me. I must have missed it…"

"Yeah, she's still on for the party," said Rei. "Mikai sent me a text, too." She ignored Asanuma's indignant snort. "He's got work today, but he'll be at the party."

"They better be." Motoki showed up, peeling off his apron, and squished in beside Rei. There wasn't much space; she'd left a gap the size of the Grand Canyon between herself and Asanuma. "I had a heck of a time convincing my dad to let us have this place for Christmas!"

"Oh, you did not," teased Lita, reaching out to poke him in the arm. "The second he heard Serena wanted a party here for Christmas, he melted like a marshmallow in hot chocolate."

Everyone laughed, familiar with Motoki's dad's adoration of Serena.

"Anyway," said Darien. "Could we hurry this up? Serena and I are picking Buji up in – " He checked his watch. " – twenty minutes."

"Oh, hang on!" Lita jumped up. "I got his gift, you gotta give it to him for me!" She squeezed through the crowd toward the back room.

Rei looked at Serena, shaking her head. "Actually, can we follow her? I have something to show you."

"Ah – sure, Rei!" Serena popped up, letting a gust of cold air in to lift goosebumps along Darien's side. "Let's go! We'll be right back, guys!"

Motoki stood up as Rei scrambled out of the booth, grabbing the shopping bags she'd used as a barrier between herself and Asanuma, and the two girls, looking like negative images of each other, followed after Lita to the staff room.

"What's with them?" asked Asanuma, open-mouthed. "Do we smell weird?" He grabbed a lock of hair unabashedly and sniffed. "Here, smell, Dare-Bear – "

"Hell no." Darien leaned away as Asanuma scooted toward him. "Get away from me."

"Anyway," said Motoki, peeling the wrapping off a candy cane. "How are you guys faring in your girl gifting?"

Darien glowered while Asanuma grinned. "I, the Great Numa, have found the perfect present for Rei-dono!"

"What, a punching bag with your face on it?"

Asanuma smirked at him, undeterred. "That's what I got YOU. Since I know you're so incredibly jealous of how well I know MY lady-love – "

"Now, now," Motoki soothed. "You still haven't found anything, Dare? What about the list?"

"I've crossed off everything on the list." Darien pulled it out of his pocket and unfolded it on the table, smoothing out the creases. They all leaned forward over it. He stabbed the first item. "She told Rei on the phone just before we got here that gift cards are too impersonal."

"Well, I could have told you that," said Motoki, with a little too much self-satisfaction for Darien's liking.

"Then this morning," said Darien, ignoring him, "she was talking about how flowers just die, so it seems cruel to kill them just to give them as gifts. Yesterday she started talking about how she has too many clothes to wear and she needs to give some away. On Wednesday she bought the last DVD in the Sailor V collection, and her mom told me that they already bought her the Naruto Shadow Box set. On Tuesday she said that if she had an mp3 player she'd probably just trip and break it. On Monday she said - "

"Okay, okay, we get your point." Motoki took the candy cane from his mouth, looking troubled. "She shot down everything."

"_Everything_," repeated Darien. He crumpled the list back up, stowing it in his pocket. "It's hopeless. I'm just going to get her a gift card to the ice cream shop – "

"Darien!" Motoki sat forward, slamming the base of his candy cane on the table. "We're seniors. Next year, we'll be in college, and you won't see Serena every day. This is your last chance to sweep Serena off her feet and show her how you really feel, or you two might never get together!"

Darien's frown turned severe. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said warningly.

Asanuma snorted. "Give it a rest, Dare. Everyone knows you're in love with her."

Darien's jaw tensed. Quickly he changed the subject. "What did you get for Rei?"

"Secret," said Asanuma promptly.

"Serena definitely wouldn't like the same thing as Rei, anyway," Motoki comforted, patting Darien on the shoulder. "Have you tried just asking her?"

"Yes," said Darien, still tense. He glared out the window and shrugged, shoulders taut. "She just started talking about something crabby and cuddly with big blue eyes." He tore his eyes away from the window to look at his friends. "But I am NOT buying her a Grumpy Care Bear, no matter how much she wants one. I already bought her that life-size cardboard cutout of Legolas last Christmas, remember? That was humiliating enough."

Asanuma and Motoki exchanged grins that he ignored.

"If it was true love, you would want her to be happy even at the price of your dignity," preached Asanuma. "Just look at me and Rei."

Motoki coughed. "That might not be the best example."

"Must EVERYONE be against me?" said Asanuma plaintively.

"_I_'m not against you, Numa-kun." The girls had returned. Serena slid into the booth and reached over Darien to pat Asanuma on the head. "Cheer up."

"Thanks, Serena-chan." Asanuma sniffed. "If only everyone was as nice to me as you are…" And he looked meaningfully at Rei.

"Well, anyways, here's the list." Lita reached in her pockets and handed around pieces of paper. "Rei gets to bring the napkins, Serena, you bring silverware, Shields has got plates, Asanuma's got cups, and me and Toki've got food."

"What about Mikai?" objected Asanuma. "Doesn't he have to bring anything?"

"He and Ami wanted to do decorations," said Lita. She glanced around, then at Toki. "Not that this place NEEDS any more mistletoe…"

Motoki grinned sheepishly and blushed.

Darien heard Serena sigh beside him. He rolled his eyes uncomfortably. Then he glanced at his watch.

"Time to go, Odango!" He reached over her to none-too-gently nudge Lita out of the booth so they could escape. He rushed out with Serena in tow before Lita could kick his ass.

"Byyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeee!" Serena waved at everyone as she was dragged along in his wake. "See you on Thursday!"

"SHIELDS – "

The electric doors shut behind them, cutting off Lita's bellow.

"You don't have to be so mean to her," said Serena, reproachfully, the way she almost always did after one of his and Lita's encounters.

"Yeah, well," muttered Darien, letting go of her arm. "It's our way of showing our affection for each other." Which it kind of was. "C'mon, we're going to be late, and then it'll be Buji roaring at me."

But Serena skipped after him and grabbed hold of his gloved hand again. "Hey, Darien."

He looked down at her, trying to keep the blush from crawling up to his face. He wished Asanuma and Motoki wouldn't get on his back so much about Serena; it was hard to look at her without thinking about what they'd said about everyone knowing he was in love with her. "What now?"

"Are you okay?" Her long-lashed eyes peered into his. "You've been all grumpy lately. Do you want me to tone down on the Christmas spirit?"

"Huh?" He was confused and immediately felt guilty for having been so short with everyone – well, mostly Asanuma – at the arcade. She must have noticed. "No! Why?"

"Well, I was just thinking…" Her fingers squirmed around in his, not unlike the way his heartstrings were squirming inside his chest. "If you were thinking about, you know. Your parents."

He felt no grief at her statement, only a deep sense of warmth that she was worrying about him like that. He squeezed her hand, not blushing at all when he did so, for at times like this, a different side of him seemed to take over, one that knew exactly what to do and that felt no embarrassment at all about showing affection.

"I haven't even been thinking like that at all, Dumpling-Head." He tilted his head, and added before he could second-guess himself, "I haven't been sad at Christmas since I met you."

Serena blushed, then ducked her head, hiding it in his sleeve. He heard her almost inaudible whisper of "I'm glad," and smiled, feeling like a fireplace in which a warm, cozy blaze had just been lit.

He leaned his head against her odangoes as they walked, and it was very hard to remind himself that they were still, despite all this, just friends.

Serena's cousin Buji didn't have that problem.

"Hey!" he commanded, pointing a finger up at him as they arrived in front of his house. "You're not Serena's boyfriend! Let go of her!"

"Buji!" scolded his mother, plopping earmuffs on his head as she swirled out the front door, locking it behind her. She clattered down the steps, placing a kiss on Serena's cheek as Serena hugged her. Then, like a whirlwind that has paused only briefly in its path of destruction, she hurried off again, throwing them a wave and a "Thank you, Serena, Darien! I'll be back at five!"

Darien leveled his gaze at the dark-haired, glaring kindergartner that everyone swore looked like his younger brother. (Thank God he wasn't, or his relationship with Serena would be over before he ever managed to start it.) "Buji."

"Darien-baka," returned Buji. He clomped forward in his snow boots and grabbed Serena's hand, tugging on it imperiously.

A grin flashed across Serena's face; she bent down and picked him up, spinning him around until laughter burbled out of him.

"Aha!" she said breathlessly, coming to a stop in the spinning. "So there IS a little boy under that grandpa face!"

Buji struggled to seal up his lips back into a frown, but the smile kept breaking back out as Serena tickled him. "Serena!" he complained in gasps. At last, he turned, as he always did, to Darien. "Darien – giggle – baka! Make – giggle – her – giggle – stop!"

"Eeek! I surrender! I surrender!" Serena stopped tickling him the second Darien took a menacing step toward her. She set him down on the ground, and Buji doubled over, panting with laughter. Presently, he ran out of giggles, and he looked up. "What do you want to do today, Buji?"

"Mall," said Buji.

Darien made a face. He'd spent the better part of the last two weeks at the mall, half with Serena buying presents for her friends and half combing the place by himself in search of a gift for Serena.

"What for?" asked Serena.

Darien had a sudden thrill of premonition. "NOT to see Santa."

-

They went to see Santa.

"Does my vote count for nothing?" groused Darien.

"Absolutely nothing," Buji informed him. "Look, nee-chan, look, it's almost my turn!"

"Yay!" cheered Serena. "What are you going to ask for?"

"What are YOU going to ask for?" deflected Buji.

Darien's ears perked up. Here it was! He was going to find out what Serena wanted for Christmas! Serena HAD to tell her beloved cousin –

"ME?" said Serena. "_I_'m not going to sit on Santa's lap!"

Darien bristled. Damn right she wasn't going to sit on anyone's lap – then he realized that she had deflected the question again. He sighed.

"Then how's Santa going to know what to get you?" demanded Buji.

"Oh, if it's meant to be he'll give it to me. Santa's special that way." Serena said it with such sparkling-eyed conviction that Darien felt a) one hundred percent certain that there was something she very very very much wanted and b) that if there was something she wanted that much, he sure as hell was going to get it for her, damn it! Even if it was a stuffed Grumpy Bear…

"Next!"

Buji rocketed for the elf beckoning to him. Serena pulled Darien around to the outside of the enclosure set up for Santa's throne, where they could watch Buji scramble into Santa's lap and begin to talk to him quite animatedly.

Darien snickered. "Look at him, he didn't even give Santa a chance to ask him if he'd been good or not."

"Mmm." Serena's hair brushed his arm. Jolting at the unexpected contact, he looked down to see her, head – unconsciously, he was sadly certain – leaning against his shoulder as she stared at the shop window behind them. Darien squinted past their reflection in the window – wistfulness coursing through him at the sight of Serena leaning into him as though they were actually a couple – to the store inside. He was only vaguely surprised to see that it was the Sew-a-Stuffed Toy shop. Through the glass he saw dozens of little kids were squirming around inside stuffing white fluff into the plush carcasses of their chosen animals.

She really _did _want the stuffed bear after all, the crazy girl. But not just any Grumpy bear, he surmised, carefully studying her wistful expression as she looked at the window. A special bear, a custom-made Grumpy Bear…

-

"Buji." Darien snagged the child by the hood. Surreptitiously he glanced toward the ice-cream vendor, where Serena was still deliberating on which flavors of ice cream to put on her triple-scoop cone while he and Buji got pretzels. "I've been nice to you, haven't I, little guy?"

Buji eyed him. In his arms was a bulging bag from the electronics store, containing the first three seasons of Dragonball Z bought for him by none other than Darien Shields. "Hmph. I should have known these came with a hitch. What do you want, Darien-baka?"

"When Serena comes back, she's going to have to leave to go help Motoki at the arcade. I need you to say you want to stay with me and look for a present for your mom."

"And?" said Buji expectantly.

Darien tugged at his turtleneck collar. "And what?"

"You got me _three_ seasons of Dragonball Z," Buji informed him. "You want me to do more than just lie to Serena."

"Not lie, _fib_," corrected Darien, feeling a begrudging admiration for Serena's cousin. "And yes. But it's not much. And I'll buy you another season of Dragonball Z."

Buji studied him with narrowed brown eyes. Then, "Okay."

"Guys!" Serena came flying over to them just then, her scarf billowing out behind her. "Motoki just called me! He says he really needs my help with a birthday party some little girls are having – "

Internally Darien blessed Motoki for agreeing to help him. He would definitely get his friend the new fondue machine he had been wanting for Christmas.

"You go ahead, Serena," Buji said imperiously. "I'll stay with Darien. I need to find a present for kaa-chan."

Serena's eyes flicked to Darien. "Is that okay?" she asked, rather wryly.

Darien hooked a wry grin back at her. "Yeah, I'll take care of him," he said with a long-suffering tone.

"Thank yoooouuu!" Serena threw her arms around him in a hug that was much too short, then pinched Buji's cheek and ran off.

"Ow." Buji rubbed his cheek, glaring. "I hate when she does that. You owe me."

Darien was still slightly disconnected from reality, floating in the memory of Serena hugging him. "Huh?" he said. "Oh. Sure." He shook his head. "Okay. Let's move."

-

The next day, Darien found himself in the same booth at the arcade, again squished between Serena and Asanuma. And Asanuma kept trying to pour salt into Darien's soda when he wasn't looking, which prompted Darien's third "Asanuma, I hate you" of the day.

"Ohohoho…" said Asanuma, grinning. "You won't be saying that if we get caught under the mistletoe together." He waggled his eyebrows. "Actually, you won't be saying anything at all, because your mouth will be FULL!"

Darien feigned gagging. "And you wonder why Rei won't go out with you."

Asanuma hissed, covering his heart with a hand. "Ooh, that was low, Darien."

"Yeah, it was!" Serena had turned around from her conversation with Lita to glare at him. She elbowed him in the gut, returning the grin he gave her with a fierce frown that cracked quickly into a returning grin, then spun back around and kept talking.

"You know, Darien," Asanuma drawled, now leaning back with his arm slung over the booth. "We're not so different."

Darien's eyes flicked to follow Asanuma's gaze, landed on Serena, then returned to rest on Asanuma again. He could feel his good mood from the previous day's present-procuring success begin to melt. He glared warningly at Asanuma.

"I'm just saying, is all." Asanuma sipped from his eggnog. "_I_ like a girl. _You _like a girl…"

Serena turned around again, but this time more slowly. She looked at Asanuma.

Darien felt his insides shriveling up.

"Darien LIKES someone?" Serena's eyes were wide.

Okay, now his insides were evaporating. He glared at Asanuma so hard he was sure his eyeballs would burst into flame.

Asanuma didn't even look at him; he smiled at Serena. "Oh, yeah. He's got it BAD. Like, on a scale from a mild touch of the crush to sickeningly lovesick, he's got Ebola."

"Ebola?" Serena repeated. She looked to Darien for explanation; he had been the one who dragged her through chemistry, physics, and earth science. "What's that?"

"A disease where blood gushes out every cavity of your body!" crowed Asanuma before Darien could say anything. "And speaking of blood, here is the goddess of pain herself! Rei, my love – "

For the second time since Darien and Serena had arrived, a shoe thunked into Asanuma's calf. He doubled over and disappeared underneath the table.

Rei sat down at the edge of the booth and said under the table, "I'm wearing leggings under my skirt, you idiot."

An indignant sound was made under the table. "I wouldn't look up your sk– hey, a quarter!"

Rei pushed her long hair over her shoulder. "Ami's not here yet?"

"Nice to see you, too, Rei," said Lita drily. She stood back up. "I'll go get Toki."

"Okay, see you." Rei waited until Lita had waded back through the mass of arcade-goers, then leaned forward, slapping her hands on the table. "We have GOT to get rid of that mistletoe."

"What?" Asanuma popped back above the table, his blonde curls transformed into a bird's nest. "No! You can't get rid of the mistletoe!"

"Watch me," said Rei. She looked at Serena. "You in?"

"I am," said Darien. "That flora's a menace. And it's poisonous. There should be some sort of rule against having it in an eating establishment."

Serena snorted laughter into her hot chocolate. Her mug clattered to the table. Darien caught it before any spilled, but the liquid spurted out of Serena's nose. Rei dispassionately watched it splash onto the tabletop in front of her, then picked up Asanuma's arm and mopped it up with his sleeve.

"Oh! Rei! Asanuma, I'm so sorry!" exclaimed Serena, blushing.

"Don't be!" exclaimed Asanuma. "What is there to regret? Rei touched me of her own free will! Obviously, it reveals a burning yearning inside her – "

" – to punch you," said Rei, and did just that, an arm reaching out to shove him

Except Asanuma dodged and caught her hand, placing it against his face instead.

A fiery, almost radioactive blush exploded on Rei's face. She yanked her hand back.

"Oh, my. Ami, I told you we should have brought popcorn."

Darien looked away from Asanuma, who was now nursing a black eye, to see Serena's shy friend, Ami, covering a quiet laugh with a hand and standing beside the booth with Motoki's college-aged cousin, Mikai.

It was a visually striking combination, to say the least. Ami, wearing earmuffs, mittens, glasses, and at least three layers of jackets, all the same unobtrusive navy blue as their school uniform, looked like a timid middle schooler. Mikai, beside her, was wearing a long, metal-studded black leather overcoat that would have made him look like a gang member even if he hadn't had electric blue-dyed hair and piercings in his lip and ears.

"Mikai," Motoki complained. "Dad's going to flip if he sees you wearing that in here."

"It's just a_ jacket_, Toki," said Mikai, getting his cousin in a half-nelson and giving him a noogie. "Uncle can't get mad at me for staying warm." He let go and glanced back at Asanuma and Rei. "Anyway, don't let our arrival ruin the moment! The show must go on, right, Asanuma-kun?"

Asanuma glared daggers at the other boy. He opened his mouth, probably to say something rude, but Serena beat him.

"Ami!" she exclaimed from beside Darien. "You made it!"

"G-good morning, Serena" said Ami, ducking her head shyly and pinking a bit. Her eyes flicked to him. "Good morning, Darien. Thank you b-both for inviting me."

Darien smiled back, but he was watching her thoughtfully from the corner of his eye as she turned when Mikai tapped her shoulder and smiled widely when he said something to her in a low voice. Had she and Mikai come to the arcade together? Interesting that she could laugh with Mikai when she didn't seem able to talk to Serena and the others without blushing and stammering.

"Um…we brought the decorations," said the girl in question, holding up the big brown paper bag in her arms.

Mikai hefted the one that he held, too. Green tinsel peeked from its top. "Anyone know where we should put them?"

Asanuma scowled. "Up yo – "

"Yonder?" cut in Mikai, grinning. "Why thank you, Asanuma, that's quite kind of you. I'll go posthaste."

Asanuma grumbled as Mikai took Ami's bag from her and set off toward the staff room behind the counter. "Punk otaku loser – "

"You know," said Lita, coming over and leaning against the booth. "I've heard that when people fight, it's really just because they like each other. Are you feeling some sexual tension there with Mikai, Asanuma?"

Asanuma's face turned purple. Everyone else – save Ami, who blushed deeply – laughed uproariously.

Except Rei. She shifted. Suddenly the purple on Asanuma's face had faded to a rosy pink.

He made a sound and shoved at Darien suddenly. "Move, move, move!"

"What?" Darien frowned at him in confusion, bracing his hands against the table as he was smushed against Serena on his other side. "Asanu – "

"Just get out! I have to TALK to you!" Asanuma gave another almighty shove, and Darien stumbled off the bench, only managing to snag Serena before she toppled to the floor. He was only just able to deposit her back on the bench before Asanuma dragged him outside.

"What was all that about?" Darien demanded, nearly slipping on the icy pavement as Asanuma finally let go of him.

"REI!" exclaimed Asanuma in a strangled voice, as though he was dying but very happy about it.

Darien glanced back inside; he could just see through the windows Serena's golden odangoes. "Rei what?"

"She…prodded me! With her foot!" Asanuma began to giggle, covering his mouth with his hand like a schoolgirl.

Suddenly Darien had a premonition of what Asanuma and Rei would be like when they started dating.

He shuddered.

"She accidentally kicked you, and you felt the urge to drag me out here and tell me about it?" he said in disbelief.

Asanuma stopped laughing, indignation yanking his spine straight. "It wasn't on accident! She was trying to make me feel better about Lita saying I liked _Mikai_."

He wrinkled his nose before dissolving back into a goofy grin. "She likes me. She HASto."

"Er…" Darien was in the delicate position of knowing via Serena that Rei did, in fact, like Asanuma, but being unable to say so because Serena would kill him. Also, he was rather distracted by the wish that Serena's foot would touch _his_ leg. Even if it was just an accidental kick. Although she already did kick him on purpose rather frequently…

"You're not listening to me!"

Darien's head jerked up. "Huh?"

Asanuma rolled his eyes. "Never mind, I'll talk to Toki. You're no good with this girl stuff."

Darien snorted. "I'm going to take that as a compliment."

"Take it as you will," said Asanuma loftily, throwing his scarf over his shoulder, nearly slapping a passing pedestrian with it. "I imagine you STILL haven't found Serena's present, have you?"

Darien glared at him. "As a matter of fact, I have."

"OH?" Asanuma's eyes went wide. "Well? What is it?"

"It's a secret."

Asanuma raised his eyebrows, pursed his lips. "Oh? Well, I guess, if you're sure…it's most romantic if she's the first one to see it…I just thought, probably, you'd want someone else to see it…maybe make sure she won't _totally_ hate it…"

Images of Serena bursting into tears – or even worse, laughter – when she opened the box began to spin through Darien's mind like sugar plum fairies.

"…but I'm sure you got it right…_maybe_…"

"FINE!" burst out of Darien. His volume surprised even him; he winced. "Okay. Please look at it."

"That's what I thought," said Asanuma with satisfaction, and he followed Darien down the street to where his motorcycle was parked.

Darien glanced up and down the street before he opened the box on the back of his bike and extracted the carefully packaged Sew-a-Stuffed-Toy box. There was no snow falling and no slush yet in the streets to be kicked up by a careless driver, so he carefully opened the box.

"Oh, Darien!" Asanuma hammed it up for the passers-by; Darien gritted his teeth. "For ME? You shouldn't have – "

Darien handed the bear to Asanuma.

" – oh my God, you REALLY shouldn't have," said Asanuma, taking the bear by its ear and holding it up in front of him.

"What? It's no good? I know the ears are a little lopsided…"

…and the stomach was more of a potbelly than a Care Bear tummy, and perhaps the insignia on the stomach wasn't quite recognizable as a storm cloud with raindrops, but he had thought it was pretty good, considering that Buji had made it going on only the directions that Darien muttered to him through the side of his mouth as a Sew-a-Stuffed-Toy employee looked on.

"It's, uh…well." Asanuma tilted his head, peering at it from several different directions. "…it's supposed to be Grumpy Bear?"

Darien felt his confidence wilting like a Christmas tree two weeks into January. "Yes."

"And you made it?"

"Well, not exactly." Darien did not really want to admit how he had bribed Buji to go into the store and pretend that he was making the bear for himself while Darien looked on. But his pride already seemed to be flowing down the gutter, so he related the story to Asanuma.

"I see," said Asanuma when he finished. The story seemed to have convinced him the bear was a good present, Darien noticed with relief: now Asanuma was examining the bear with a grin on his face.

He lifted that grin to Darien. "Serena's going to love it."

Darien felt a grin stretch his own face as well. "Great – "

"_If_ you do one thing," Asanuma finished.

Darien's smile dimmed. "What?" he said suspiciously.

"Why the look of distrust, Darien?" Asanuma demanded. "You don't think I want you to give Serena the best Christmas gift ever?"

Darien still felt a little suspicion nagging at the back of his mind, but he had the shame to feel abashed. Hadn't he just realized yesterday how mean he had been to Asanuma and thought that he should be nicer?

"Sorry," he said. "What do you propose?"

Asanuma took the box from Darien and put the bear back into it. "Something very simple," he said. "Just let me redo the tummy symbol."

"Tummy symbol?" echoed Darien.

"Yeah. You know, the picture on his tummy?" Asanuma pointed at the blue-blob-masquerading-as-a-cloud on the bear's abdomen. "You know – _Care Bear Stare_!"

He thrust out his own stomach like he was impersonating Santa's jelly belly.

Darien recoiled. "What the hell, Asanuma?"

Asanuma sucked back in his gut, adjusting his shirt. "You never watched Care Bears, did you?"  
"No," said Darien, still looking at Asanuma with slight horror. "Thank God."

Asanuma shrugged. "Well, whatever. Just let me take the bear home with me and redo the tummy symbol so that when she looks at it she can actually tell it's supposed to be Grumpy Bear. I'll use fabric markers."

Darien considered this. Asanuma was an excellent artist. He won prizes at the annual school art show every year.

But he felt like Buji must have felt when Darien bought him all those anime episodes. "What's the catch?"

"Uh, Darien, have you ever heard of a little word called _friends_?" Asanuma punched his arm. "Geeze. I'm gonna go put it in my car. Go inside and stop Mikai's attempts to steal Motoki as his best friend."

"Yeah…sure…" Still frowning slightly, Darien turned back around to re-enter the arcade.

"Hey, Darien."

He turned back around. "Yeah?"

Asanuma grinned at him. "What made you decide to get her Grumpy Bear?"

Darien huffed, a mannerism he'd picked up from Serena, certain that Asanuma was making fun of him. "I told you, she said she wanted something grumpy and cuddly with blue eyes!"

"Okay! I was just asking," said Asanuma, lifting his hands. "No need to be so _grumpy_."

Darien glared at him. "I'm not being grumpy!"

"Oho," said Asanuma. "Aren't you?"

Before Darien could make a snide comment back, he turned and headed off for the parking garage, whistling _Jingle Bells_.

-

Luigi was screeching onto the bridge, and Princess Peach was sailing over a turbo tile as Donkey Kong –

The screen went blue.

"MOOOOOM!" Serena and Sam wailed in unison.

Where he was sprawled on the living room carpet with the two siblings, Darien looked away from the TV screen to see Ikuko Tsukino standing at the doorway to the kitchen with the remote in her hand.

"I need to ask Darien a question," she said, completely unfazed by her children's protest. "Darien, dear, are you coming with us to get the Christmas tree tomorrow?"

"Aw, Mom, come on! You stopped the game for THAT?" Sam groaned. "I was about to lap Serena!"

Ikuko rolled her eyes. "You can do that any time."

"Mom!" protested Serena, offended.

Ikuko glared at them both, hands on her hips. "Did I really raise such whiny children? Let's see a little more courtesy in front of guests."

Serena and Sam looked at each other, then around. Then their eyes landed on Darien, their brows rose in unison, and they looked back at each other before looking at Ikuko.

"Darien's not a guest," Sam scoffed.

"Exactly," said Serena, kicking her feet back and forth. "He's family." One of her feet hit Darien in the leg. "Oops. Sorry, Darien."

"Of course he is," said Ikuko fondly. "Be that as it may, I still want him to see that I raised you to be human beings, not pigs."

Darien and Sam both looked at the mountain of empty mini-Snickers wrappers lying beside Serena. A few wrappers were also stuck in her hair from when her ponytails had dragged into the pile as she rolled onto her stomach to grab Sam's controller so his character would fall off the track.

"Pigs are very clean creatures, Ikuko-san," said Darien, much more calmly than he felt. Serena and Sam's words had his heart beating hard. Would this be what his life could have been like, if his parents had lived? "So you definitely didn't raise a pig."

Serena kicked him again, on purpose this time. He choked out a laugh, a little breathless.

"Anyway," said Sam. "Going back to your question, Mom. Of course Darien's coming, because if he doesn't, _I_'ll have to help Dad carry the tree, and that's not gonna happen."

"You're both weaklings," declared Serena with a roll of her eyes. "_I_'ll help Dad carry the tree this year."

Darien, Sam, _and_ Ikuko burst into tears of laughter at the mental image of five foot Serena lugging the seven foot Christmas tree.

Serena grumbled and threw empty Snickers wrappers at them.

-

The Tsukinos' annual tradition of going together to pick out the Christmas tree was the way that Darien had first met them, twelve years ago.

He had been six years old when he was released from the hospital after a car crash killed his parents and left him with amnesia. He arrived at the Juuban Children's Home on December twelfth, smack dab in the middle of the Christmas season.

With fourteen stitches still hiding beneath his bangs and a head as empty as memories as his heart was of Christmas spirit, the last thing that six year-old Darien felt like doing was going with a group of excited orphan children to a tree farm to pick out a Christmas tree for the orphanage.

So, almost as soon as they had all jostled off the bus to spill into the rows and rows of fir trees, he slunk away from the matrons and the other kids.

The sun had just set, the icicle lights roped along the roadside edge of the tree farm glowing brightly. Some of them blinked as though in tune with the Christmas carols that blared from a boom box perched on a fence post. Darien had slipped into the dark borders at the edges of the wooden post fence that encircled the rows of trees, following it away from the road.

It was quieter there, the sounds of carols and laughter bleeding off into the silence of the dark, icy night, wisping away like his white breath as he exhaled shakily.

It was there, in that silence, that a faint sound had reached him after several minutes. Distant and disembodied, it took him several long cold moments for him to recognize it. He had only heard it once before in his short memory, and only from himself, as he huddled in the hospital bed. They were the little shuddering breaths of someone trying hard not to cry.

He crept toward the sound. The crunch of his boots on the pine needles and snow were louder than the faint whimpers, and he paused every few seconds to listen again and make sure he was going the right way.

The sound grew louder as he went deeper into the trees, leaving the wooden fence behind. The snow between the Christmas trees wasn't packed here, the way the other paths had been by people walking on it. He could only see little shadows in it, like small footprints. He squinted at them.

Then the crying sound burst into a sob. His eyes swung up. He saw a gleam of gold like tinsel between the dark branches of one of the trees.

He pushed the fir's feathery branches apart with his mittened fingers and saw that the gold was a girl. A little girl with blonde hair. She was crouched in the snow with her arms on her knees, crying into them.

The icy tree branch slipped suddenly from his hand. It whapped him in the face, slapping his eye. He didn't make a sound, but the sound of the needles slapping him the face did.

The girl's head shot up.

Darien rubbed his tearing eye, looking at her through the other one. She stared back, her eyes so wide that even in the darkness he could see that they were blue.

Then she scrambled to her feet and rushed at him.

An "oomph" escaped him as she slammed into him. Her arms hugged him noose-tight, her face mashed into his jacket so hard that it was like she was trying to burrow inside him and hide.

Not exactly scared but not comfortable, either, he said, "What are you doing?" His voice sounded hoarse and strange to his ears, stiff and thick, like he was talking with a mouth made out of wood. He realized he hadn't talked since he'd gotten out of the hospital.

He tried to shake her off, half-heartedly. But she held onto him tight, face still mashed against his arm. He tried again, shaking his shoulder hard.

She made a sniffling sound and turned her head, just enough that her face tilted up toward him instead of sandwiching between his arm and head. She stared at him with her wide blue eyes that he could see his unhappy face reflected in, and suddenly he wished she'd just left her face where it was.

"I'm sorry I was bad," she whispered, already hiding her face again. "I'm sorry! Please take me back!"

Her blonde hair was done up in weird buns, like dumplings. He didn't recognize the hairstyle, but he hadn't paid any attention to anyone at the orphanage except the matrons. She was clinging to him the way that the kindergarten and first grade girls at the orphanage all clung to the fifth graders, and her faded pink jacket looked as worn as the oversized green jacket he'd been given to wear.

He felt, for the first time he could remember, something like interest. "Did you sneak away?"

She began to shake her head against his sleeve – then stopped and nodded, guiltily. "I thought I saw an elf," she whispered. "I was going to talk to it."

Darien's interest dimmed. For a minute there, he'd felt something like kinship, for someone else with blue eyes and no parents who had sneaked away from the matrons and everyone else. But she was just the same as all the other kids, just chasing stupid Christmas nonsense.

He glanced around, found his footprints, and started them back the way he had come.

It was slow going; the girl didn't let go of his arm, just kept shuffling along with him. By the time they reached the wooden fence, though, she had taken her face out of his arm, and by the time they found their way back into the glow of the Christmas lights and carols, her grip had slipped down from his sleeve to his hand. He didn't like this, it made his hand wet, but she didn't have a mitten on that hand. He compromised and took off his mitten, pushing it at her.

This time, she gave him a big grin along with her wide blue gaze. She was missing her two front teeth.

He looked back at her uncertainly. Her smile dimmed a little, and she tugged his hand several times. "Do you have a tummy ache?"

Darien shook his head and looked around for the other kids. He saw them all gathered by the white bus that they had come in, laughing and horse playing as they waited their turn to climb on. Matron Naoko was laughing, too, saying something to Matron Hana. Maybe they hadn't noticed they were missing yet.

He set off at a fast pace, trying to get there and slip into the group of kids before the matrons _did_ notice. The girl trotted to keep up, shrinking against him again, clearly afraid the matrons would see her and punish her for running off alone.

They made it into the crowd, and even up onto the bus, her still shrinking against his side, trying to get under his arm again, and when they hurried up onto the bus, Darien half-pushing her so that she would stop trying to stop smushing against him. But when they sat down on the cracked leather seat, Darien even being nice enough to let her sit next to the window, her lips were trembling, her face pale.

"I want my mommy," she whispered.

Darien felt his own lower lip trembling at this, too. He looked at his hands, fisted in his lap.

"I thought you were going to take me." Her voice was trembling now, too. "Why can't you take me?"

He looked at her. Her face was screwed-up, red, and her lips mashed together like she wanted to cry again like she had been when he found her. He felt bad, as though he'd broken a promise to her, though why she would have thought he could take her to her mom was beyond him.

Still, here, at least, was someone worse off than him. At least he understood that his parents were dead and not coming back. He took off his other mitten and gave it to her to wipe her nose. Then he patted her arm as she started hiccupping into his, getting snot on his mitten and the sleeve of his ugly jacket.

When they were climbing down the bus steps, Matron Naoko at the bus door to catch them in case one of the little kids fell, she still hung onto him, nearly cowering into his back this time.

Matron Naoko smiled at Darien, glancing behind him, and then her eyes went wide. "Wait!"

He turned around. The little girl shuffled behind him.

"Who is that?" Matron Naoko looked faint; she was walking around him to look at the little girl. "Darien, who is this?"

Darien felt the first stirrings of 'uh-oh' in his stomach.

"Little girl," said the matron, bending down. "What's your name?"

The grip on his jacket tightened. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the girl looking up at him with wide, uncertain blue eyes and then at the matron. "S-Serena."

"Are you – how did you get here?" asked Matron Naoko gently.

The little girl sniffled. "I g-got – " Her sniffles burst into tears. "–lost!" she wailed.

"Oh, my goodness." Matron Naoko reached to pick the little girl up, but she wouldn't let go of Darien's jacket, and so he got dragged along with them, shuffling backward clumsily, his collar digging into his throat, as the matron went into the office and found the phone number of the tree farm they'd just gotten back from.

Darien's hand had gone cold and numb from not wearing the mitten that he had given to the girl, and now the rest of his body was starting to feel the same way. That was why she'd thought he was going to take her to her mom. Because she wasn't an orphan. Her mother was alive.

He listened to Matron Naoko's phone conversation, to her exclamations and profuse apologies and promises that Serena would be right here waiting when her parents got to the orphanage to get her in half an hour.

The girl's, Serena's, hand was gripping his so hard that her fingernails were digging through his mitten into his palm. He looked at her, then, looking away, said in a small voice, "You mom's coming."

Her hand squeezed tight, so tightly that his eyes went back to her face. She was beaming up at him, a blindingly bright smile shining in her blue eyes.

He felt disappointed. He didn't know why. Maybe because it had been nice to feel like someone needed him. Maybe because he'd wanted to believe that he wasn't the only one who'd lost his parents and wanted them back.

Maybe because she'd held onto him and not let go.

When her parents jumped out of their car in the road in front of the orphanage way half an hour later, they were loud and crying like Serena had been. They shouted and cried and grabbed her up, squeezing her as tightly as if they hadn't seen her in years instead of in just a few hours. She burst into tears again, and held onto them as tightly as she'd held onto him, and then they were all smiling, babbling together, and her father was strapping her into her car seat in the back of their car.

Darien stood next to Matron Naoko on the front walk and watched the car drive away. The matron patted him on the shoulder and told him he'd done a very good thing. She pulled her hand away a little quickly, though, and he realized why when he glanced down and saw Serena's snot still glistening on his ugly green sleeve.

"Here, give that to me and we'll put it in the wash," said Matron Naoko.

"Later," said Darien indifferently, and went to his room. He didn't want to get rid of it yet. Gross as it was, that snot was the only proof he had that he'd met the girl at all – at least it was until Serena and her mother showed up at the orphanage twelve days later and asked if Darien could spend Christmas with their family.

-

Darien still had the shabby green jacket he'd worn that day so many years ago. It had been washed since then, of course, so Serena's snot wasn't on it, and it wasn't quite as oversized as it had been then. Instead, it was rather tight, especially around the shoulders, where it always stretched and made ominous I'm-about-to-rip sounds when he lifted his arms.

But he wore it every year, when he went with the Tsukino family to get their Christmas tree. Him spending Christmas with them had become a tradition after that first year, Ikuko always inviting him and Matron Naoko always letting him, until he moved out and didn't need permission anymore. Likewise, his going with the family to pick out the tree, as he was doing today, had become a tradition.

The Tsukinos always wore their sloppiest, most worn-out clothes to go pick out the tree. That was because, Ikuko had told him years ago, if they weren't getting dirt and pine needles all over themselves when they dragged the tree onto the car and inside, they were getting flour and frosting all over themselves as they made Christmas cookies while Kenji put up the tree. Darien let them all think that it was for this reason he wore his hideous orphanage jacket every year, because it was the sloppiest thing he owned. But he knew inside, despite the fact that he didn't believe in such things, wearing the jacket was like a charm, a charm to which he clung.

He pulled his black turtleneck over his head and then reached into his closet for the green jacket. This year, it was hard even to get both arms into it. The seams creaked ominously even without him lifting his arms. He felt slightly pleased by his growth – he'd always been rather scrawny, as Serena and Sammy glorified in teasing him – but more worried. For how much longer could he keep wearing the jacket? For how much longer could his relationship with Serena and her family last?

What he'd said to her, a few days ago, about not thinking about his parents, wasn't entirely true. He hadn't been thinking specifically about his parents, per se. He'd been thinking about family in general. It was hard not to when commercials about family clogged every radio and TV channel and when Asanuma and Motoki kept trying to get him to tell Serena that he liked her as more than a friend.

The thing that his friends, for all their good intentions, didn't understand was that for him, there was a lot more tangled up in Serena than just a potential girlfriend, or even just a friend. A girlfriend was just someone who interested you enough that you were willing to sacrifice some time from hanging out with your friends or doing homework or reading to be with her instead. A girlfriend was like an ornament on a Christmas tree: you got it because you thought it was pretty, but if it suddenly went missing one year, it wouldn't affect you much because it was just one ornament out of dozens of others.

Serena was more than that. Serena was someone who always found him on the days that the cafeteria made sushi for lunch and traded her home-made lunch with him because she knew he hated sushi. She was someone who got a look in her eyes sometimes when their PE coach was saying something, and he could catch her eye, and they would know what the other was thinking and exchange silent snickers. She was someone who, when she was sad, he could tell, and being able to read another human being like that made him feel human, not like the emotionally damaged robot he'd once overheard the orphanage matrons calling him when they didn't know he was listening.

She was someone who had dragged him repeatedly to her house for dinner in elementary school even after he insisted he wouldn't impose and shouldered doggedly, defiantly, past her father's scowling awkwardness and brother's teasing until they got so used to him as a fixture of the house that it was really as though he was a member of the family, to the point that Sammy would say he wasn't a guest, he was family, and Ikuko would say, of course he was, as though she'd never been thinking any other thing.

Serena wasn't anything like a Christmas tree ornament. She wasn't even like the angel glowing at the top. She was the tinsel that threaded through every branch of the tree, shedding little bright pieces of herself to the floor so that even when it wasn't Christmas, you saw those little glimmers and remembered the happiness that went with them.

That was why he needed Asanuma and Motoki to stop encouraging him to tell her he liked her as more than a friend. It was encouraging him to hope. To picture what would happen if he told her, how she would go still and her blue eyes would go liquid and sparkle at the same time, how she would laugh at him even as she threw her arms around him and put her mouth to his –

And he couldn't hope. He couldn't. Because if he got too hopeful, and believed she could like him back, and he told her, and she _didn't_ like him back – if she looked at him with that same terrified deer-in-the-headlights look he'd seen flash across her face countless times when guys confessed to her – there wouldn't be a girlfriend-shaped hole in his life. There would be a Serena-sized hole, and it wouldn't be so much a hole as half of the world cracked away.

-

Darien tugged at his collar as he climbed out of the car and shut the door behind him. Serena had picked the sweater he was wearing and expressly ordered him to wear it to the Christmas party tonight, and he wondered if she was aware of how incredibly hideous it was.

Idly, he also wondered how she hadn't realized that the only possible reason that could have induced him to wear a sweater emblazoned with reindeer and penguins was the fact that he was madly in love with her. Emphasis on madly.

He sighed, rang the Tsukinos' doorbell, and fidgeted with the sweater's collar again. Maybe if he wore his jacket over it all night…

From behind the front door came the sound of feet thundering down the stairs and pounding toward the door. Darien braced himself, for this would not be the first time that Serena built up so much momentum trying to beat Sam to the door that she tripped and went rocketing into the porch railing. Nor would it be the first time Darien saved her from this fate by catching her in his arms…

He sharply caught himself, veering off this train of thought. These were the sort of things he was supposed to _stop_ thinking about.

The door opened, and to his irrepressible disappointment, it was Sam peering out at him. He, too, wore a disappointed expression, which made Darien smirk.

"Sorry I'm not _Mika_," he said.

The middle schooler went bright red. "I wasn't waiting for her!" Then his eyes landed on Darien's front, and his trapped expression turned into one of glee. "Wow, Darien, where'd you get that sweater, the homo bin at Loser-Mart?"

"_Sam_!"

At the sound of Ikuko Tsukino's scandalized voice, Darien and Sam both flinched.

Ikuko whapped Sam on the shoulder with the spatula in her hand. "Apologize, young man!"

Sam grimaced at Darien. "Aw, Mom, we were just kidding around – "

Darien affected a contrite expression that had never failed to work on Serena's mother. "Yes, ma'am. I'm very sorry."

"Well…" Ikuko was softening under Darien's eyes. "Alright. But I don't want to hear any more of those mean-spirited insults. Call each other dumpling heads or something."

"That's Serena's name," said Darien and Sam in unison. They exchanged grins.

Ikuko rolled her eyes heavenwards. "I don't know how Serena deals with both of you making fun of her on a daily basis. How about we stop insulting and have some cookies?" She led them into the kitchen. "Darien, would you like one? They just came out of the oven."

"Well…only one. Motoki's got a feast planned for tonight."

"I'm sure he does!" Ikuko chortled. "Oh, would you please tell Lita for me that I still have her cookie cutters? I asked Serena to tell her, but I have a feeling she'll forget."

"Of course, Ikuko-san." Darien nodded.

'Kiss-up,' mouthed Sam from his spot behind Ikuko. Then the doorbell rang, and he shot out of the kitchen like a bullet.

"Mika's coming over?" Darien asked Ikuko.

She smiled. "Apparently. Why don't you go get Serena? You two are going to be late!"

Darien actually would have liked to stay and torture Sam by sharing embarrassing stories about him with Mika, but the chance to see Serena's room was just too rare for him to pass up.

But just in case, he checked first. "Ah…where's Mr. Tsukino?"

Ikuko gave him a knowing glance. "He's at a meeting at work. Now shoo!"

Darien took the stairs two at a time.

"I'm COMING!" came Serena's voice through the door when he knocked. "I promise, I promise – "

He heard a series of thumps, then a much louder thunk, as though Serena had been hopping and then taken a tumble.

He put his ear to the door. "Can I come in?"

"Huh? Darien? Yeah – sure – "

Darien opened the door and saw that Serena was indeed on the floor, tangled in her hair, a long red and white-striped scarf, and her desk chair.

A snort, then a chuckle, escaped him.

She glared up at him.

"Don't laugh!" she commanded imperiously, lifting her arms like a child to be carried. "Come over here and help me up!"

His chuckles became laughter, and he leaned over to tug her free from the knot that her scarf had somehow made around the chair. This was a normal enough occurrence, but then they were standing, and their faces were very close, Darien suddenly realized with an almost unsquishable need to close that microscopic distance between them and kiss her –

He cleared his throat and took a step back before he could act on the urge. He picked up her chair and put it at her desk again.

"What were you trying to do, Odango?" he said, trying to conceal the breathlessness of his voice with sarcasm.

"…uh…um…" Serena shook her head, pushed her hand to the back of her neck, sifting her long hair away from it. "I was trying to put on my earrings."

Darien's eyes went to her ears, the tiny penguins dangling from them. Her ears were tinged rather pink, he noticed… He quickly averted his eyes again, clearing his throat.

"But I hadn't put my hair up yet, and I needed the nail polish on my toes to dry…" She gasped, stuck her leg out in front of her, and her shoulders slumped as she mournfully regarded her toes.

Darien valiantly kept his eyes away from her toes, too. But he was confused. "You polished your toenails," he repeated.

She looked at him as though he was stupid. "Yes."

"Odango, it's ten degrees outside. No one's going to see your toes."

Serena bristled. "It's my LUCKY toenail polish!"

Darien rolled his eyes. "Oh, now it makes sense."

"OUT!" screeched Serena. Little hands planted themselves on his shoulder blades and began to push. "If you can't respect the lucky toenail polish, you can't be in Serena's room!"

"I'm pretty sure Legolas doesn't respect the lucky toenail polish, either," said Darien, looking over his shoulder at the cardboard cutout of Legolas in the corner, half-buried beneath a layer of shirts. "Do you, Legolas?"

"Yooouu!" fumed Serena. "Legolas does too respect the lucky toenail polish!"

Darien grinned. "If Legolas does respect the lucky toenail polish, I don't think you have much hope of capturing his heart, Odango, if you know what I mean."

"Darieeeeen," Serena groaned, which meant that she was about to start laughing too but didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing that insulting her crush had made her laugh, "Go awaaaaaay!"

"How about this?" proposed Darien. "If you let me stay, I'll do your hair for you."

The hands still pushing his back relented a little on their pressure. He looked down at her over his shoulder and found her regarding him with narrowed blue eyes.

"Can you do it right?" she asked suspiciously.

"If I do them wrong, you can kick me out of your room," he promised.

Her eyes glinted. "I've got a better idea. If you do them wrong, I get to do YOUR hair."

A vision of himself with pink bows scattered through his hair assaulted Darien's mind. He winced. "I already let you make me wear this hideous sweater, isn't that enough?"

"It's not hideous!" said Serena indignantly, but she was already skipping over to her chair and sitting down so he could do her hair. "It matches my earrings, see?"

Darien did see that now. And he was intrigued. Although only objectively, of course, not because he was entertaining any hopes of a romantic nature.

He picked up her hairbrush. "So…you wanted me to wear this sweater so we would match?"

In their reflection in the mirror he was fairly certain that her cheeks were turning a darker shade of rosy pink than usual. But it was rather warm in here, he reflected, feeling a faint flush under his own skin, so perhaps that didn't mean anything.

"Well…well," she said. "I just figured it was better than that ugly green jacket you were wearing to get the tree."

"It's not ugly," said Darien automatically. The jacket argument was one they had relived many, many times, and made all the more amusing to him because he secretly agreed with her and just argued with her for the fun of it.

He finished parting her hair in half and pushed one half over her shoulder. "Hold this."

With part of her hair out of the way, the pale back of her neck was revealed, and it was covered in goosebumps. Darien's eyes flicked from them to her face in the mirror, but she was glaring at him in a way that made it quite obvious the goosebumps must be from the cold and not anything else.

"It is TOO ugly!" she said. "The only thing uglier is that pink dress I wore to prom last year."

Around the bobbie pins that he was holding in his mouth, Darien cackled. He and Serena had had a bet going whether Toki would work up the courage to ask Lita to prom before Lita asked him, and whoever lost had to wear an outfit to prom that the other had chosen. Darien had won – as usual – and picked the frumpiest, most-likely-to-prevent-any-guys-from-ogling-Serena dress available at the mall.

"Yeah, that thing was UGLY," he mumbled happily around the pins.

Serena's glare grew stronger. "I'm glad SOMEBODY enjoyed it." She pulled her head forward. "Aren't you done yet?"

"Don't you have lucky toenail polish to finish putting on?" retorted Darien. He wasn't about to rush his chance to touch Serena's hair as much as he wanted. This would be the last time he'd let himself be so close, he'd decided, so he'd better take advantage of it.

"We're going to be LAAAATE," she whined, unscrewing the nail polish anyway.

Darien took her hairbun out for the fourth time and debated whether she would notice if they just stayed here the whole time instead of going to the party. Her clock wasn't visible from this part of the room…

"Sereeenaaaa!" Ikuko's voice floated up the stairs. "It's six o'clock! You two are late!"

"Ack! I told you!" Serena's hands flew up, knocking Darien's out of the way, and quickly wound her hair into its characteristic buns.

Still winding them into place with her hands, she spun around in her chair, leaned forward and – Darien's heart ceased beating – plucked the bobby pins from his mouth with her own lips.

Five millimeters? Three millimeters? Darien's mind clamored as he tried to guess just how close her lips had come to his. Not close enough!

"What are you doing?" demanded Serena around the bobby pins now in her mouth. "Quick, get my presents for me, please?"

On autopilot, Darien turned, found the bag full of gaily-wrapped packages at Legolas's feet, and picked them up. When he turned back around, Serena was yanking on her jacket and boots, then grabbing him by the sleeve.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, Rei's gonna kill us!" she chanted, clambering down the stairs. "!"

They flew through the door, and Serena threw herself into the passenger's side, and it wasn't until they were pulling out of the neighborhood that Darien found his voice again.

"Four millimeters?" he said. Then blanched. Where the heck had his brain gone? It certainly didn't seem to be connected to his mouth anymore.

"Huh?" Serena tilted her head, looking at him.

"Formula readers!" he quickly rectified.

She continued to look at him, brow raised. He felt like banging his head against the steering wheel.

"Formula readers," she repeated, and there was a wry note in her voice that only emerged when she knew that had gotten him very, very good.

"Yes," he said wretchedly. "Is that what you got me for Christmas? Because you know I love formula readers."

"What ARE formula readers?" Delight positively sparkled in her voice. "I'm sure I've never heard of them."

Yeah, neither had Darien.

"They are, well, not many people have heard of them because they're very technical," he invented, "a program you use on graphing calculators…"

"I see." Serena nodded, smiling widely. "It's a green light, Darien."

Darien cringed again and pressed the gas pedal. "Yeah, I saw that."

-

Since they were late, the party was in full swing by the time they found a parking and sidled into the arcade, carefully avoiding the sprigs of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling. The usual fluorescent café lights had been left off, and the only light came from a gigantic Christmas tree twinkling with lights in the corner and from the meters and meters of multicolored icicle lights strung up on the walls. It made Serena's hair gleam different colors, green and red and a deep burnished yellow when she ducked past an section of orange lights.

Darien followed her toward the counter, eyes flicking between the numerous mistletoe sprigs and the party guests chatting and laughing in the booths and around the arcade consoles. Asanuma, Lita, and Darien had nixed inviting the whole senior and junior classes, and Motoki and Serena, in charge of the guest list, had promised that they wouldn't. But you wouldn't guess that they _hadn't_ invited them all from looking at the arcade. Serena's friends Molly and Umino were there, and Motoki's friends Kobayashi and Reika, but so were several brawny football players and swim team members whom Darien was sure none of them had ever spoken in their life, except if maybe once Motoki had asked if they wanted ketchup with their fries. Diamant and Safir al-Nemir, a pair of foreign exchange students whom Darien recognized only because the latter was Serena's chemistry lab partner and the former had asked her out once, were also there. If Darien wasn't mistaken, Diamant's eyes were flicking toward Serena and then toward the sprigs of mistletoe that Darien himself had just been eyeing suspiciously.

Darien quickened his pace, catching up to Serena. She was leaning over the counter on her elbows, kicking the air behind her as she chatted to Motoki about how many people had showed up.

"I know, it's great," said Motoki with a sincere grin.

But Darien noticed there was a distracted frown creasing his forehead.

"What's wrong, Toki?" he said.

Motoki's eyes flicked to him. "Darien!" he said in relief. "I can't get the stereo to work. Can you help me fix it?"

"Yeah, sure." Darien followed Motoki toward the section of the counter that housed the sound system for the arcade, and Serena bobbed along after them.

The digital console was lit up, but completely, flashing all 8's. Darien crouched in front of it, pressing several buttons and even fiddling with the remote, but all he succeeded in was making the eights become all zeroes.

At last, he looked up at Motoki. "Can you bring Ami over here? She might be able to figure this out."

"Ami?" Serena tilted her head.

"Yeah, she was in the computer club at her old school," said Darien absently, messing with the buttons and examining the console display again. A new light had flashed to life at the bottom, but it was red, so it probably wasn't a good sign. "She can probably figure this out."

Serena was quiet for a minute. Then she said, "I'll go get her," and darted away before Darien could think of a suitable excuse to keep her from entering the al-Nemir-infested dance floor.

"Hey, Dare." Motoki leaned down, his festive red suede blazer whispering against his pants. "Did you figure out what to get Serena yet?"

Darien gave the remote his fullest attention. "Yes."

He saw Motoki's wide smile reflected in the console's glass. "Thank goodness! She's going to love it."

"You don't even know what it is."

"No, but it's from you, so she'll definitely love it." Motoki grinned and gripped Darien's shoulder, giving it a friendly shake, before heading after Serena.

Darien stayed crouched there. He hoped Motoki was right. It wasn't that he was that worried about Serena's reaction to his gift – it wasn't as though she was going to hate it. Sure, it might seem weird, and embarrassing, but she would understand the intention behind it. Well, not the _I love you_ intention, which he didn't really intend to convey anyway, but the _you wanted something grumpy and cuddly, so I did my best to get you what you asked for even though I don't quite understand_ intention.

On the second thought, the present he'd gotten for her was ridiculous. What had he been thinking? Just her not rejecting the gift wasn't good enough. He wanted the gift she got from him to be the one that she had wanted the most. If it was, it would be proof that he understood her better than anyone. It would be reassurance to him that he wouldn't lose his spot as her best friend.

"Serena said you n-needed help, Darien?"

He looked up. Ami was standing hesitantly beside the cash register, her hands clasped neatly in front of her turtlenecked blue sweater.

"Uh – yeah." He moved over. "We can't get the stereo to work."

She eyed the numbers flashing on the console, then knelt down carefully, accepting the remote he handed to her.

"Er," said Darien as he watched her press a sequence of buttons as swiftly as if she was texting on a phone. "Serena didn't come back with you?"

Ami looked up politely. "I th-think she was talking to her lab partner."

Safir? As nonchalantly as he could, Darien stood up, pretending to stretch, and raked his eyes swiftly across the café. Serena's golden dumplings were immediately discernible, and beside them, a head of hair as dark as his own.

His mind took a running leap like a reindeer throwing itself off a roof.

Foolish to jump to conclusions so quickly of course, but… Safir had blue eyes and was not exactly what anyone would call social. He could, in fact, possibly be called grumpy. It was not in Darien's power to deem him cuddly, but…the eleventh grade exchange student had put his arms around Serena once to protect her from a carbon combustion that she'd accidentally caused during one of their chemistry labs. It was the only possible opportunity, Darien thought, that Serena could have had to find out that anyone was cuddly, since he'd never seen her touch any other guy except Motoki and Asanuma, who didn't have blue eyes and were anything but grumpy.

He exhaled a breath even though his lungs felt like all the air had been sucked out of them, and clenched his fists in the pockets of his jacket.

At that moment, _Last Christmas, I gave you my heart,_ began to wail deafeningly from the arcade speakers. Motoki whooped, everyone else cheered and clapped, and Ami stood up, blushing.

"It just got set on a timer somehow," she told him, still blushing as she handed him the remote. "Um…has Motoki's cousin gotten here with the crepes yet?"

"Hm," said Darien vaguely. He was staring past her, hard, thinking, trying to convince himself that Safir couldn't be what Serena wanted for Christmas. But the more he tried to convince himself, the more uncertain he felt. Girls always liked guys who saved them the way Safir had saved Serena from the chemical explosion, it was some sort of hero/heroine complex they got from all the shojo manga they read, and Serena read shojo manga like crazy…

"Um, I'm – I'm very sorry if I'm being impolite…but…" Ami shuffled her feet. "Why don't you just go talk to her, Darien?"

Darien's eyes shot to her. He felt a blush burning into his face. "I –"

"She's looking over here," said Ami quietly, glancing past him. "See, she wants you to come over."

Darien counted to three before turning around so he wouldn't seem obvious. By then, Serena was turned around again, and gesturing animatedly as she talked to Safir.

"Well, she was," said Ami apologetically in her soft voice. "I really think you should go talk to her."

"Darien!"

They both turned to look. Asanuma was pushing through the crowd of their classmates, who had started to dance, toward them.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, nodding at Ami with a grin. He reached into his pocket and rooted around in it. "So, it's already under the trees, my man. Are you ready?"

Darien's eyes flicked past him to the monstrous Christmas tree looming in the corner of the arcade on the Dance Dance Revolution platform. "The – oh." The present. He'd completely forgotten about the present. Should he still give it to her? "Asanuma – "

"It's the one in gold wrapping paper. I was going to wrap it in the hearts one like the one I got for Rei, but I figured you'd disembowel me," Asanuma was continuing happily. "Still, I've got some more of the hearts wrapping paper in my car if you want it – "

"Asanuma."

They both turned around. And gaped to see Rei standing there, in a fire-engine red dress with black leggings underneath.

She pointed at the box wrapped in gaudy silver and red hearts paper under the tree. "That's for me?"

Asanuma was as white as her dress was red. "Uhhh…?"

Rei put a hand on her hip, jutting out. "Is that a yes?"

"I – I – " said Asanuma.

"Yes," answered Darien for him, feeling too dull even to enjoy the sight of his friend speechless.

"Why does it look like it's meant for Valentine's Day?" said Rei, a brow arched.

"Be – because – " At this point, Asanuma mumbled something that Darien couldn't quite hear. He also knew, despite his distraction at his own shambled love affairs, that it wasn't something he wanted to overhear. He sidled away.

"It is happening? Oh my God, is it happening?" Motoki, from his spot behind the counter, seized Darien's sleeve and dragged him out of his line of vision. His gossip-y friend Melvin was standing there, too, adjusting his glasses for a better view. The both appeared to have been watching the scene from behind the mini Christmas tree that sat beside the cash register.

"Would you guys stop spying on them?" said Molly Osaka, coming up with Serena. She smacked Melvin on the arm. "Geeze. It's so unmanly."

Serena giggled, giving Melvin a smile when he pouted at them. Then she grinned at Motoki and exchanged a look with Molly and Lita, who was coming nearer to watch Rei and Asanuma as well. Darien waited for her to look at him and give him one of the conspiratorial grins they always shared.

It didn't come.

But after a minute, the whole arcade burst into cheers.

Darien's eyes broke from Serena to the tableau in front of them. Rei was blushing fiercely, pulling away from a dazed-looking Asanuma.

"FINALLY!" bellowed Lita and Motoki.

"Shut up," grumbled Rei, her blush even darker, but Asanuma tugged her by the shoulder, spinning her around, and kissed her again. Rei's arms wound around his neck.

"I knew this was going to happen once they got together," Lita groaned.

"Cough it up, kiddo," Mikai told Motoki, dropping his platter of crepes on the counter and holding out his hand.

Motoki groaned but rummaged in his pocket for his wallet.

Darien turned away from the scene again, eyes searching for Serena. She was wrapping her arms around Rei, grinning irrepressibly, and chattering at her while Rei kept blushing, and then she darted away, laughing, as Asanuma shooed her off. He watched her drag Lita and Molly onto the dance floor, and they started doing some weird human sprinkler imitation, laughing hard. He didn't see Safir anywhere near them, but at this point, he was far more bothered by the fact that Serena hadn't even looked at him in the past half hour. Unease climbed into his stomach like bile. Was she avoiding him?

"Attention! Attention, everyone!" Asanuma's voice came shouting over the music, which abruptly dropped in volume. Darien glanced over to see his blond friend standing on the counter, which was making Motoki look a little nervous. "It's time for a little game!"

A murmur of interest and laughter traveled through the crowded arcade.

"I think everyone's noticed the mistletoe all over," said Asanuma, now in a normal voice, since he didn't have to shout over the music anymore. "If you haven't, time for a visit to the eye doctor. Anyway, in a minute we're going to cut the lights, and when they come back on, whoever's under mistletoe has to kiss the person closest to them – regardless of gender!" he shouted gleefully as excited chatter burst out. "That is all! Get ready!"

He jumped down off the counter, grabbed Rei by the hand. Melvin was just as fast, scrambling from behind the counter after Molly. Motoki shook his head, grinning after him as Lita came to lean on the counter.

Darien turned resolutely from the dance floor, placing his hands on the cool surface of the counter. If Serena was going to kiss the al-Nemir – either of them – that was her business. Not his. He would stop being borderline creepy stalker and just sit here until it was over.

Motoki, thank God for him, didn't say anything, just handed Darien a piece of gingerbread. The look in his eyes was a little sad, but he seemed to know better than to tell Darien to go stand by Serena. Darien's back was tensed in preparation for Asanuma to come bounding over and insist upon it, but he didn't. Too busy with Rei, Darien figured, thankfully.

Just as a hip-hop version of "O Christmas Tree" was beginning to play, the lights and the music died.

Darien blinked against the darkness, listening to the squeals and scuffling behind him. There was even a very loud thud from somewhere above him, as though someone had thrown something. And it sounded like people were starting to push ; something or someone brushed against his back with a startled sound. He leaned away, though he wasn't too worried. The very reason he'd come to sit right here was because, after having avoided it every day for the past few weeks, he knew where all the mistletoe in the arcade was, and there was none above the counter.

The harsh overhead lights came back on, and Darien turned a little to see who had gotten caught.

And his breath caught.

Serena stared back at him. A sprig of mistletoe swung back and forth between them.

His eyes flicked up. An arrow – an honest-to-God _arrow_ was lodged in the ceiling with a piece of ribbon tied to it and the sprig of mistletoe tied to its other end, hanging between them.

"Excellent shot, my darling," came Asanuma's voice. Darien and Serena both turned to see him looking adoringly at Rei, who held a small bow. "Remind me never to make you angry."

"Too late for _that_," said Rei, then arched a glance back at Serena and Darien. "Well?"

Darien stared at her. Then at Serena again. His mouth was dry.

He couldn't believe it. After all of his diligent effort – all of his painstaking work not to reveal to her that he liked her as more than a best friend, all of the precautions he took to make sure they didn't get stuck under Motoki's stupid mistletoe – _now_ he got trapped under it with her?

Despite himself his eyes flicked to her mouth. Her lips had turned red from the candy cane she'd been eating, and he could smell her faint peppermint breath as she exhaled shallowly. He could smell the scent of her mother's gingerbread, too, clinging to her hair, and the faint, bitter scent of the nail polish she'd been putting on when he came to pick her up…

When he could smell that was when he realized that he had somehow leaned closer, leaned until his lips were just millimeters from hers. He stopped short, body freezing.

Into his mind's eye came the Legolas cutout in her room, his pale hair, unlike Darien's own, and the way she'd been laughing with Safir, and the look he'd seen in her eyes all those times she anxiously turned down the guys who had liked her. The same old images running back into his mind, coming like Christmas, whether you wanted them or not. Images of what would happen if he showed her he liked her and she didn't like him back. Her shying away from him, ducking into the bathroom or empty classrooms to avoid him the way he'd seen her do to other guys because she felt so awkward about rejecting them…

His eyes tore away from her lips. Flicked to and fro in an attempt to look anywhere but at her lips.

They suddenly landed on her cheek.

And in its smooth, blush-tinted expanse, he found deliverance.

Heart pounding like an overworked speaker, he leaned forward and – more quickly than he would have thought possible – brought his lips to Serena's cheek.

It was hardly even a peck. His lips barely brushed her soft skin. But it still brought a blush scrambling up the back of his neck, and he turned his head to the side quickly before anyone could see it spreading to his face.

A half-second later, he had composed himself again, and he leaned back against the counter with a bored expression amidst a chorus of groans erupting from around them.

"That doesn't count!" exclaimed Asanuma.

Several other people seemed inclined to agree with him, even people Darien was pretty sure he didn't know, but Serena turned around.

"Let it go," she told them. Darien couldn't see her face, but there was something in her voice that had his stomach clenching.

People continued to shout protests, but then something else happened. A center of quiet and gasps was spreading from a different section of the room, people stepping backward in shock, until Darien could see clearly two heads of blue hair.

Two heads of blue hair that belonged to two people who were kissing.

Mikai lifted his face from Ami's, apparently noticing the silence and attention they were drawing. Ami also noticed, blushing deeply, but she didn't move away from Mikai.

"What?" said Mikai. "There's more than one spring of mistletoe in this place, you know."

And there was, indeed, a spring on the ceiling above them.

Just like that, all the attention fell away from Darien and Serena's not-kiss to Mikai and Ami's total kiss. Darien unballed fists that he hadn't realized he had clenched and looked for Serena again.

She was still standing by him, and this time she did meet his eyes. She gave him a _what'll you do?_ grin and shrug of her shoulders, but it felt forced. And all the more forced when she slipped back into the crowd on the dance floor without talking to him.

Or at least, she tried, but Asanuma came charging out of it with his arm through hers.

"I think it's present time!" he said with the loud exuberance of a captain whose ship is sinking. "Don't you think, Serena? Let's all sit down and exchange gifts!"

Darien caught Asanuma's eye, shaking his head, but Asanuma ignored it, practically throwing Serena into the stool beside Darien. Then he stood in front of them, arms crossed, as Motoki brought the presents and Rei and Lita stood beside Darien. He looked at Asanuma instead of them, glaring, but he could feel the two girls' eyes burning into him.

"Are you sure we should be opening them now?" said Motoki worriedly as he set down the stack of wrapped packages on the counter. "I thought we were going to wait until after all the guests were gone so it wouldn't be rude."

"He's right, Asanuma," spoke up Rei.

"Well, why don't we open just one gift, then?" said Asanuma. Darien hated him more than anyone at that moment. "That one in gold wrapping, that looks like a good one. Who's it for?"

Motoki sighed but picked it up. "It's for Serena," he said, handing it to her. "From Darien."

Darien's fingers flexed open and shut in his jacket pockets, open and shut. There was no reason to be nervous, he told himself. It wasn't like he'd given her a bouquet of red roses to symbolize true love, or something. It was just a stuffed animal. The worst that would happen is that he'd be teased for buying Serena a teddy bear.

There was no reason to be nervous.

Serena slid her finger carefully beneath the tape, parting the bright gold paper. Then she opened the decorated white box and pulled out the bear, carefully, like it was a baby she was taking out of its cradle.

Darien was watching her, not the bear. So he saw her eyes widen. With a hot swoop of his stomach, he knew that there was a reason to be nervous. He shifted his feet, half out of his chair, excuses already blossoming to his mouth. And his eyes went to the bear, trying to figure out what was wrong with it. In the instant that his eyes were directed away from her, he missed Serena's eyes flicking toward him, searching and hopeful.

What he didn't miss, though, was the bear's tummy, on which was painted not a storm cloud and fat raindrops but fat red hearts and curly blue letters that read_ DARE-BEAR_.

The world rushed into a narrow tunnel of fear and embarrassment. Around the pounding blood in his ears, Darien heard himself babbling. "Asanuma did that, I didn't, it was supposed to be Grumpy Bear–"

Some of their classmates, whom he hadn't realized were watching until he heard them snort, burst into laughter at hearing Darien Shields talk about Care Bears.

His neck flushed red, and then he was telling Serena, without being able to meet her eyes, without nearly any comprehension of what he was saying, that it was a mistake, he was sorry, he'd get her another present.

But she was laughing it off, saying it was okay, and somehow that gave him an even deeper plunge of his stomach than seeing the hearts and _Dare-Bear_ emblazoned across the bear had. Because she wasn't meeting his eyes as he said it. Because she was slipping away, into the crowd of people on the dance floor, the way she'd slipped away from all those guys who had liked her and who she had turned down.

He compressed his lips and made his face blank, sitting back down in his stool at the counter and trying to pretend nothing more was wrong with him than that he was bored. He looked at gingerbread man Motoki had given him and ate it methodically, one leg and arm at a time, as everyone else drifted onto the dance floor again.

Well, not everyone.

He didn't realize Asanuma was still there until the other boy shoved him.

"What did you just do?" the blond hissed. "I set that up perfectly for you!"

Darien spun and slammed him into the counter. The miniature Christmas tree toppled over with a crash. People let out cries of surprise and turned to look.

Asanuma waved and grinned at them over Darien's hands gripping his collar. "We've just had a little too much eggnog!" he called.

Their classmates laughed and turned around, losing interest, but Darien's grip didn't loosen. He wanted to kill Asanuma. The idiot had ruined _everything_. And for what? So he could laugh at them? So he could elbow Motoki and say, "Look what a good joke I played on Darien and Serena?"

Fury contorted his face again, and he shoved Asanuma harder against the counter.

"I'm going to give you three seconds to let go of me." Asanuma's voice was low.

Darien's only response was to tighten his grip on Asanuma's collar.

Asanuma glared at him. "I'm not the one who screwed this up. You did it on your own."

"_I_ did it?" Darien snapped. "You made that – that _stupid bear_ – "

"And she was happy about it! But then you had to go and say it wasn't really from you, right after you wouldn't even kiss her – "

This was ridiculous. Asanuma didn't have a clue. Darien let go of him and pivoted, heading for the back door and bursting out of it into the icy air. Slush splashed beneath his rapid feet.

The back door slammed open behind him, and footsteps sloshed after him through the slush. A hand caught him by the shoulder and spun him around, then punched him in the face.

Darien half-dodged it, escaping half of its force, but it still ignited fireworks behind his eyes.

"If you go home instead of going to tell her the truth, I'll punch you again," panted Asanuma.

"You idiot," said Darien around the blood gushing from his nose. "She likes Safir."

"Safir my ass!" snapped Asanuma. "She thinks he's a snob, and you know it. This is just another excuse for you to be a coward and not tell her you like her!"

Darien breathed hard, not saying anything.

"She likes YOU," spat Asanuma. "It's freaking obvious to everyone, including YOU, but you keep pretending it's not, because for whatever dirt-stupid, cowardly reason, you won't be anything more than her _friend_."

He turned away, back toward the back door. Then he stopped and turned around again. "But you know what? You don't even deserve to be her friend, after the way you humiliated her tonight."

Darien lunged after him, and Asanuma slammed the door behind him, and Darien's hands just hit cold metal.

-

He had a packet of tissues in his car that Serena had left there one day when he had a cold. He tore them out of their packaging as he pulled out of the parking space, cramming them against his bloody nose. It hurt like a mother, but the tears he kept blinking back weren't from that pain. It was from the knowledge that Asanuma was wrong, and that stupid stuffed bear had just ruined his whole relationship with Serena.

He had no idea where he was driving to, just that he had a nearly full tank of gas and the roads were empty, everyone home with their family this late on Christmas Eve. He could go wherever he wanted.

Except where he really wanted to go, which was a house with a welcome mat and gingerbread and a tree that was decorated with ornaments he had made on his first Christmas ever, when he was six years old.

He zoomed past a half-empty lot roped with white icicles lights. He hit the brakes and reversed, squealing backward into a parallel parking spot in front of it.

It was a Christmas tree lot, populated by only a few remaining scrawny pine trees and an older man wrapped up in a blanket on a lawn chair with a space heater.

"Merry Christmas, young man!" he called as Darien climbed out of his car. "Here for a last minute tree?"

Darien, still holding the clump of bloody tissues over his nose, gave a jerk of a nod and headed past him, into the dirty, packed snow.

He wouldn't go to the Tsukinos for Christmas tomorrow. He _could_, he knew Serena would never tell her parents not to let him come just because she felt awkward knowing that he liked her. She probably wouldn't even tell them how he felt about her; she would be too considerate of his feelings for that. But he was going to be considerate of her feelings for once, too. It would only give her an extremely awkward Christmas, if she had to spend the whole time avoiding his eyes and pretending nothing had happened because she felt bad that she had turned him down. He wouldn't put her through that. He would get his own tree, stop by the drugstore to find some cheap ornaments, and have his own Christmas at his apartment.

Alone.

Even deeper into the lot, only scrawny trees were left, ones that weren't much taller than him. It was just as well, he thought, trying to focus just on the tree and nothing else. He didn't feel like lugging a monstrously sized one up all the way up the stairs or the dirty looks the manager would give him if he left pine needles all over in the elevator. It didn't need to be a big one like the one he'd gotten with the Tsukinos…

He stopped.

Through the branches of the scraggly tree in front of him, he saw gold.

Serena. Standing in the snow.

Darien took a step back, intending to leave before she noticed him. But the pine needles crunched beneath his feet.

He heard her inhale sharply with a wet sniffle. Watched her swipe an arm across her face and turn around. There was a polite smile on her face. She probably thought he was the lot's proprietor, come to tell her he was closing down.

When her eyes landed on him, the smile fell away.

"Darien," she said. Her voice was faint and thick. He saw her swallow. "Sorry, I should have told you I was leaving. I…" Her voice cracked, and her face went miserable with embarrassment. "I was just going to catch the train – " Her voice cracked again, and although fresh humiliation rushed across her face, she smiled, wide and watery. "Sorry. I'm okay."

The last time he had seen her like this, standing in the middle of Christmas trees, crying, she had run flying into him.

But she didn't move toward him. She just forced her watery smile wider, rubbing her face again, and said, with bright cheer, "How'd you find me?"

"I actually…" He gestured behind him, mechanically. "I came to buy a tree."

Serena's face fell a little. It wasn't the expression of relief he'd expected her to show. He'd thought she would be relieved that he understood she wanted to avoid him and wasn't going to interfere with that.

Then her face wrinkled. "But it's Christmas Eve, why do you…" Still looking at him, her eyes drying, she shook her head. "You're coming to our house. You don't need a tree."

Weariness pulled at Darien. She was honestly going to pretend she hadn't realized he liked her and let him keep his spot in her family.

But that was what he'd wanted, wasn't it? So why didn't he feel relieved? Why did he just feel more depressed than before?

Maybe she saw the weariness on his face, for she put her hands on her hips and sighed. She didn't wear the exasperatedly affectionate expression that usually went with this stance; she looked, instead, as tired as him.

"Darien. I know it's hard when someone you like doesn't like you back." Her soft voice was as tired as her face. "But you can't just crawl into a hole."

Serena sighed again. "I promise, Darien, you'll find someone new soon enough. I'll admit, I don't know if there are any girls in Japan as smart as Ami, but I'm sure you can find one just as nice and pretty."

His mind was sputtering, like a fire in a grate that kept getting snow blown into it. At last, Serena stopped talking long enough for him to piece together what she was saying.

He choked out, "You think I like _Ami_?"

Serena caught on to what he was saying much faster than he had to her. Her hands slid from her hips, and she stared at him. "Don't you?"

"No!" His relief was a balloon inside him, so big that he could barely talk around it, squeezing his vocal cords. Serena hadn't even realized that he liked her! Her awkward treatment of him this whole time had been because she thought he liked Ami Mizuno! He was saved, their friendship was saved, everything was alright –

"But I thought…you looked so upset after Mikai kissed her…" Serena was regarding him with the same muddled expression that was usually reserved for teachers who called on her during first period, when she was still half-asleep. "…and Asanuma said you liked someone…"

"Odango." He could handle this. This required the sort of minor deflection he carried out every day, every time someone hinted that he and Serena were too good of friends not to be something _more_ than friends. "Since when should you ever listen to anything Asanuma says?"

Serena met his raised eyebrows and teasing smile with solemn eyes. Then she pulled her lips up. It wasn't quite a sheepish smile, but it was an attempt. "Yeah. You're right." She pursed her lips and patted him on the shoulder. "Come on, let's go home."

Darien fell into step with her, boots crunching on the needle-strewn snow. Looking down at her golden hair, he felt like he should have felt even happier than before, elated to be heading toward another warm Christmas with Serena and her family.

But instead, it felt like his relief from a minute ago was leaking away, leaving behind a dirty slush. And the memory of what Asanuma had said. _"This is just another excuse for you to be a coward and not tell her you like her._"

This should have been A Moment, he realized. This replay, twelve years later, of the same scene, him finding her crying in the Christmas trees, should have shown how he had changed in all that time. It shouldn't have ended the same way, with her swiping away her tears herself and him quietly letting her walk away ahead of him.

But it had.

Because they were Serena and Darien, best friends for twelve years, and moments like this really didn't mean anything important.

Darien stopped.

He didn't want to be like that, anymore.

Serena paused, turning around. "Darien?"

His hand gripped her jacket sleeve, he realized belatedly. He watched her eyes flick down to it, then back up at him. There was something in their blue depths that hadn't been there twelve years ago, a careful guardedness instead of a trusting hope.

_"You don't even deserve to be her friend, after the way you humiliated her tonight."_

"Asanuma wasn't wrong." He felt like there was a noose around his throat, constricting. His voice came out tight. "I do like someone."

She didn't say anything, just regarded him with red-rimmed blue eyes. He remembered what Asanuma had said, the trembling in her voice after he only kissed her on the cheek, the way she had held the stuffed bear so carefully. And he realized that he had to be the one who took the leap this time. He wouldn't know if it would be a leap of four millimeters, so short he would land before he'd even knew he'd been in danger of falling, or if it would be four kilometers and he wouldn't make it. He wouldn't know until he jumped.

"It's…" He struggled, then bit his lip. Closed his eyes and opened them. "Right now, if Syaoran wanted to tell Cardcaptor Sakura he liked her, what would he do?"

She looked back at him. Her eyes were still dark, still careful, but something lighter was surfacing inside them. "Syaoran doesn't _like_ Cardcaptor Sakura." Her voice was indignant, but her eyes were watching him with something almost like fear. "He _loves_ her."

A sound escaped Darien. He realized, as he felt his lips curving upward, that it had been a laugh. A desperate, half-hysterical laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. "The analogy still stands."

"Well," Serena said. She swallowed. "Well. In that case…he would kiss her."

Darien stared at her, feeling warmth roar through him. Then, with a deep, nervous breath, he lifted his icy fingers to either side of Serena's face.

She flinched.

Darien lowered his hands. The warmth had gone still, frozen. Images of excuses, reasons Serena didn't like him, couldn't like him, rushed back in. "This isn't really what you want – "

Mittened hands caught his. She gripped them, then, shyly, pulled the knitted fabric over his fingers until both their hands were inside her mittens, his cold fingers against her warm ones.

Then she put one to the side of his face and one to the side of hers. "Darien Shields," she said, "no offense, but you are _not_ very good at knowing what I want. I've been telling you for the last FOUR years what I really want for Christmas, and every year, you've gotten it _wrong_."

Darien was still a little too much in shock at the feel of her thumb slightly stroking his face through her mitten to be absorbing much of what she was saying. But this last sentence broke him partially out of the spell.

"What?" he said. "You mean – the Grumpy Bear – and Legolas – "

Her hand fell away from his cheek, and she smacked him lightly in the head, using his own hand as well. "Were totally dumb! How did you even come up with that stuff?"

"What else was I supposed to think?" retorted Darien, trapping her hand in his inside the mitten so she couldn't hit him again. "Blue eyes, cuddly, grumpy, wears weird clothes – what kind of present fits that description?"

"The kind you'd see if you looked in the mirror, Nerd Boy!" She went to smack him again, but he caught her hand reflexively.

And good thing that it was a reflex, or he wouldn't have had the presence of mind to stop her, for he was gaping. "_Me_?"

She was blushing bright red, but she took another swipe at him anyway. "Yes, you!"

This time Darien let her hit him, for as corny as it was – as corny as this whole, ridiculous, incredible, amazing situation was – he was half-afraid he was dreaming. But her punch hurt, and his grin grew all the wider. Serena liked him back. Serena _loved_ him back!

"So instead of asking me out, you decided to hint to me that you wanted me for Christmas," he said in the most teasing voice he could muster. "You've got to stop reading all those shojo manga, Odango."

"Oh, you don't even have any room to talk!" Serena glowered at him. "If you like me, what was that stunt you pulled with the mistletoe, huh?"

He felt immediate contrition, remembering what Asanuma had said about embarrassing her. The teasing, delighted smile fell from his face. "I'm sorry."

She bit her lip, her fingers withdrawing from his inside her mittens. "Why didn't you kiss me?"

Darien bit his lip, too. "I was scared."

Her fingers touched his again. "Of what?"

He looked away from her. "Because you're…you're my family." He forced his eyes back to hers, saw them glistening. "I couldn't bear it if you started avoiding me because I forced my feelings onto you when you didn't want them."

Serena didn't say anything for a minute. She gazed down at their mittened hands. Then she shifted, pulling her hands out of the mittens, and he watched them come up to cup his face. They were warm, and so were the arms she wrapped around his waist.

"I'm really glad you found me that day," she mumbled into his sweater.

He closed his arms around her, pressing his cheek to her cold hair. "At the risk of sounding corny, I'd like to say that I think _you_ found _me_."

She let out a breathless little laugh that sounded a little like tears. Maybe they were, a little, but they stood there for so long, soaking up each other's warmth, that by the time she lifted her face away from his neck, no tear trails were left on her face.

"Ready to go home?" he asked, smoothing a curl of wet hair from where it had pasted itself beneath her eye. His fingers practically tingled, not as much with the physical contact as with the fact that he could do this, he could touch her like this, now.

Serena nodded, lifting her own hand to his face. He followed it with his eyes, going a little cross-eyed, and then flinched when her finger gently brushed his tender nose.

She let out a little giggle, grabbing his arm and hugging it to her as they started to walk. "I was going to ask what you did to your nose, but we got, um, sidetracked." He laughed. "So what happened? You look like Rudolph!"

He scowled at her for this remark, prompting a giggle. Then he touched his nose gingerly. "Let's just say Asanuma gave me my Christmas present a little early."

"Oh," she said wickedly.

He glanced over at her. "Speaking of which," he said. "Since the grumpy bear clearly wasn't what you really wanted, and since you already have me, what present _can _I get you for Christmas?"

Serena loosened her hold on his arm, putting her finger to her lips thoughtfully. "Well," she said, and there was a mischievous tone in her voice that had him grinning already. "I think I want the same thing you do." She glanced up at him, batting her eyelashes. "Four millimeters?"

Darien's grin grew just as wicked as hers. "That's not what _I_ want," he said, leaning down. "I want zero millimeters."

And that was what he got.


End file.
